Home Economics

Thanksgiving 2009: the tradition continues. The meat cake tradition, that is (check out the inaugural cake here). This season, I went for a nice, big, glazed ham. Here is my recipe:

Step 1.
bake six red velvet cakes (always a crowd pleaser).

Step 2.
Stack ‘em, and stack ‘em high.

Step 3.
Cut into the shape of a large ham. Start getting the buttercream on there.

Step 4
Smooth out the ‘face’ of the skin. Insert a large marshmallow to act as the ham bone (if you think about it hard, this act is an act of ‘completing the circle’… in a really twisted reality). Add appropriate texture and white, ah, ’stuff’….

Step 5
add ‘outer’ skin texture to remaining body of ham

Step 6.
Don’t forget the cloves!!

Step 7.
Next, glaze the beast with melted caramel

Step 8.
Finish the ham with classic maraschino cherries as a garnish

The ham was a real crowd pleaser. As the tradition calls for, I carved slices for all.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.

It has become tradition for me to attend a Thanksgiving potluck that is held every year in a Vancouver house I once lived in. It’s one of the best events of the year – so much good food, good music and good people. It has also become a tradition that as my potluck contribution, I bring a cake shaped and decorated as some type of meat. This tradition started because my dear friend and hostess is a vegetarian, and is having none of the traditional big meat-type centerpiece for the dinner. So I make one out of sugar to fill the void. and making meat-cakes is really a good time. This is the first one in the series – a traditional turkey:

one of the most exciting elements of this cake for me was the use of materials, or “content” if you will. I used chocolate cake for the dark meat and pecan cake for the light meat (perfect for that greyish turkey meat colour). Then I made a stuffing compote out of a selection of chocolates, candy, cherries and marshmallows. For the finishing touches, I used popcorn for the drumstick ends and glazed the skin with caramel sauce.

…also with this cake, the act of cutting it was performative in itself: the moment of “carving the bird”. Each guest was individually served and asked if they preferred light or dark meat, and whether they would like skin ands a side of stuffing. A true holiday meal.

During the day, I work at a gallery in Vancouver. Recently, one of the most wonderful and loved staff members announced that she was retiring, after 14 years of service! Obviously, the most extreme cake was in order for her retirement party. The design: a replica of the building everyone works in. On the front of the building, there is always a huge banner advertising the current exhibitions. On the cake, this banner would bear the “happy retirement” exclamation.

Here’s what I did, step by step:

1. baked many, many marble swirl cakes (get it?)

2. Stacked ‘em up

and up

and UP

and a little more

that should do it.

3. iced it

4. paid attention to the details…

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..details…….

…..and a few final touches

5. finished the cake by adding the Happy Retirement banner. Also garnished with paper cut-out speech bubbles with messages from co-workers coming out of the windows they work in

6. and finally, for the best part: cutting up the workplace!

Recently, the B.C. Provincial government cut arts and culture funding to a devastating extent. What’s a citizen to do? Well, follow these simple steps, and even if it doesn’t change anything, you and those around you may feel a little better.

STEP 1
Draw a pretty picture of the premier of British Columbia, Gordon Campbell.

STEP 2
Mold a piece of pliable metal into the shape of his head.

STEP 3
Make a large batch of sugar cookie dough. Be sure to add almond extract for the appropriate “nutty” flavour. Refrigerate for a few hours or overnight.

STEP 4
Roll out dough on a floured surface. Be sure to use all of that aggression that you have been holding in during this step. Use cookie cutter to cut out heads. Put Gordon Campbell’s heads into the pre-heated oven and bake until edges brown slightly. Cool completely.

STEP 5
Make a large batch of royal icing. Mix colours for each facial feature and store in lidded containers.

STEP 6
Google image Gordon Campbell for reference material. Decorate each face with Gordon’s true-to-life facial expressions.

STEP 7
When the cookies are dry, have a photo shoot. Distribute widely on the internet.

STEP 8
Google image Gordon’s mugshot from when he was arrested in Maui for drunk driving. Use Photoshop and InDesign to create templates for mugshot postcards. Ensure the postcard is addressed to:

STEP 9
When cookies are dry, put each one in a clear cellobag. Staple postcards to bottom, sealing each bag. Don’t forget to put postage on each card.

STEP 10
Distribute on mass scale. Encourage people to ‘take a bite out of crime’, and then place their thoughts on the state of things into the closest mail box.

ALSO, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT: the interview with the angry baker