Recently, the B.C. Provincial government cut arts and culture funding to a devastating extent. What’s a citizen to do? Well, follow these simple steps, and even if it doesn’t change anything, you and those around you may feel a little better.
STEP 1
Draw a pretty picture of the premier of British Columbia, Gordon Campbell.
STEP 2
Mold a piece of pliable metal into the shape of his head.
STEP 3
Make a large batch of sugar cookie dough. Be sure to add almond extract for the appropriate “nutty” flavour. Refrigerate for a few hours or overnight.
STEP 4
Roll out dough on a floured surface. Be sure to use all of that aggression that you have been holding in during this step. Use cookie cutter to cut out heads. Put Gordon Campbell’s heads into the pre-heated oven and bake until edges brown slightly. Cool completely.
STEP 5
Make a large batch of royal icing. Mix colours for each facial feature and store in lidded containers.
STEP 6
Google image Gordon Campbell for reference material. Decorate each face with Gordon’s true-to-life facial expressions.
STEP 7
When the cookies are dry, have a photo shoot. Distribute widely on the internet.
STEP 8
Google image Gordon’s mugshot from when he was arrested in Maui for drunk driving. Use Photoshop and InDesign to create templates for mugshot postcards. Ensure the postcard is addressed to:
West Annex, Parliament Buildings
Victoria, B.C. V8V 1X4
STEP 9
When cookies are dry, put each one in a clear cellobag. Staple postcards to bottom, sealing each bag. Don’t forget to put postage on each card.
STEP 10
Distribute on mass scale. Encourage people to ‘take a bite out of crime’, and then place their thoughts on the state of things into the closest mail box.
ALSO, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT: the interview with the angry baker
November 24th, 2009 - 11:14 am
I look great! You got me on my good side!
Josh on the other hand…
November 24th, 2009 - 11:17 am
I think these look great, and tasted equally so!
What I DO disagree with, though, is what Genevieve is implying about my face in the comment above.
January 3rd, 2010 - 9:25 am
[...] Being surrounded by all of this Harper visual culture eventually led me to making the inaugural batch of ‘Monster Cookies’ (a technique further developed and utilized for B.C. premier Gordon Campbell’s 2009 Arts Cuts). [...]
January 28th, 2010 - 5:24 pm
[...] was interviewed by Laurie Dawson of Mouth 2 Mouth, a radio show that airs of CJSF, about my Gordon Campbell cookies! The interview aired today, and you can listen to it by clicking the below links (It starts about [...]
June 17th, 2010 - 1:17 pm
I am sorry. I love the idea of your cookies and see the amazing potential of them as fundraisers to counteract his cutting of the supports for artists, seniors, foster care, education, health, the challenged, and of course the new tax, on my own behalf, the though of eating him makes my brain roll and my gut feel nauseous. Of course I could be on overload after working on a piece about Harper and Libby Davies.
As I write this, rest assured that Gordo is being promoted within the ranks of Bilderberg, possibly being promised the next election or something equally vile for Canada. One is not invited to the Bilderger conferences unless one is cued up for moving up. The thought terrifies… just as seeing Harper at his first before the first win he had in the govt.